In Rememberance

Kerissa • May 25, 2013

This may be a long post, but I just wanted to put my thoughts down on “paper.”

This has been a really hard year….month….week.  I haven’t cried this much in a while.  All weekend, I had to deal with a terribly long episode of severe nystagmus and an oscillating “world.”  It always feels like I’m going to go blind.  Sunday night, I experienced such nausea that my mom even had to put a bin next to my bed.

Tuesday, I saw my pain dr.  And, as fun as it always is to see him, this was kind of a hard appointment.  I asked him if he knows much about mitochondrial disease, and he told me that there are really bad cases where your muscles stop working at a young age and pretty soon you die (and mito doesn’t just affect muscles…it affects all the body systems since every organ needs energy)….or, there are those cases where you don’t know you have mito until you’re 70.  And we’re not sure yet which case I am…  Although, the younger you are, the more severe it is..  And I’m only 20.  This is what I love about my pain dr.  His honesty.  And his compassion.  I can’t remember his exact words, but I do recall him saying something like—all these conditions I’m dealing with don’t define me and we just need to figure out how to proceed with things and live a successful life.

I asked him for a new pain med to try since I still get severe headaches.  So he told me to consider this muscle relaxer that has been known to help neuropathic pain (and headaches) and maybe even calm all the myoclonic jerks I have every day.

The plan is to await the whole genome sequencing results.  If it comes back normal (as it very well may be), then I pursue a muscle biopsy and/or more genetic testing through a very experienced lab down in California.  The dr. there has been doing a whole bunch of research that mitochondrial disease and CRPS is possibly connected.  And he’s even found mutations linked between both.

Monday night, my 90 year old grandma suddenly had a heart attack (just like what my grandpa had about 26 1/2 years ago).  The doctors were able to stabilize her, but she was in a coma in the icu and on a ventilator.  They were going to leave her on life support for a couple days and reassess her in 24 hours.  After my pain appt., dad, mom, and I went to see her.  And I’m so thankful I did.  Because…at around 10:25 pm that night, my grandma went to be with Jesus.  We’re still in shock because it all happened so suddenly.

I don’t remember ever seeing this photo of Nyin Nyin (which means grandma in Chinese) holding me when I was born.
Holding me again at my 1-year-old birthday party.

The next day, I wanted to read the section in Revelation where it tells us of the coming new heaven and new earth.  I long for that day when God “will wipe away every tear from [our] eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)  How wonderful it will be!  No more genetic diseases with no cure, nor more heavy hearts, no more out-of-proportion pain, no more death!  That is why I don’t have to fear the future or of dying young (if that’s God’s plan for my life).  This earth is not my home any way.  I am going to my real home to dwell with Jesus Christ!

One last story—I follow a mother’s blog of a 5 year old girl with mitochondrial disease.  And one time, that little girl was not doing very well.  A friend asked the mom, “Is she dying?”  The mom replied confidently with no fear, “Aren’t we all dying?”

The reason for our suffering
Is to help us realize
That in sickness or in death
We are helpless without Christ…
And the ones who are marked by suffering
Are the ones who have found their joy
To be conquerors in all these things
Struck down but not destroyed!
-“This is Grace” by Matt Hammitt
By Kerissa Lee November 17, 2025
Dear friends, Thank you so much for praying for me when I had that bad reaction to the autoimmune medication last month. I’m so incredibly blessed by your love and support. ❤️ I saw rheumatology recently, and instead of trying to prevent actual autoimmune disease from starting, they want to just monitor without any medication therapy. In other words, they want to see if more symptoms like fevers or rashes will appear (besides the joint pain that I already experience).. The medicine I did try (which worsened my mitochondrial symptoms) is actually the “safest” out there, and the other treatments for autoimmune disorders are much harder on the body—the team doesn’t think I’ll tolerate those well.. It’s difficult for them to know if all the bad antibodies that have been found in my blood will cause “actual” disease, and only time will tell.. So the plan is to just monitor and follow up with them in February. I wanted to see if my body could recover from this setback without having my IV fluids switched to a higher dextrose percentage. But by the last week of October (week 3 of this mitochondrial flare), the muscle weakness and increased pain all over was sadly still persisting, so I told my doctor. He sent in a new IV fluids order with the higher dextrose, and I’ve been receiving it for about 2 weeks now. I have definitely noticed an improvement in the muscle weakness which has been a huge blessing from the Lord. It was such a gift to feel well enough to go to a friend’s wedding reception at my church last week. 🥹 My cup was filled because I haven’t been able to see so many church friends in years! Regarding the piece of plaque that traveled to a small artery in my retina, I just had the carotid duplex scan completed last Tuesday to see if there’s any narrowing in the neck arteries. I also have the heart echocardiogram scheduled for tomorrow. My biggest, ongoing struggle has been my sleep. I’ve sadly been in a “catch 22” situation for many months now. I mentioned before that I was started on a new and safer pain medication this year. A rare side effect is insomnia, and it’s simply horrible. Night after night, every single day, I’m not able to fall asleep until after 4-6 AM. 😢 Believe me, I’ve tried every type of trick…from different sleep medications that my sleep specialist has prescribed, to all sorts of sleep supplements, praying, listening to worship music or white noise, stopping caffeine intake, etc. Nothing helps. The thing is, if I didn’t take this “new” pain medication, the pain from Mitochondrial DNA Depletion Syndrome is difficult to manage and it’s like an 8-9 on the pain scale. So then I’m up through the night, in horrible pain, and not able to sleep. But when I do take this medication, the pain is manageable, and it’s much safer to be on... Yet, I can’t sleep well while on it... Catch 22. I don’t know what to do, and it’s hard not to feel alone in this struggle. I’m so thankful to God that my health in other areas has been pretty stable.. In fact, this month (November) marks ONE WHOLE YEAR since I was last admitted to the hospital! Isn’t that soo amazing? Aside from these occasional mitochondrial flares/crashes (which happened in December, May, and October), I’ve been doing incredibly well, now that the neck weakness has resolved. But, this sleep struggle persists day after day.. I would love to be able to attend my church’s morning service in person or do many other activities in the morning. 😞 But I’m super exhausted. So many times, I ask God, “How do I go on and keep doing this every single night?” One thing I’ve learned is that God’s grace is truly sufficient for each day. He is the one who supplies me with the energy and grace to keep enduring. It’s hard, and I don’t know how long this sleep trial will last.. But, as Thanksgiving draws near, I’m reminded that I do have so much to be thankful for. Some of the biggest things: being physically able to help babysit my 4-month old foster nephew, shopping at the grocery store, having hand strength to design new note cards like the ones shown here, no longer experiencing neck weakness, and much more. The verse from Zephaniah I recently hand lettered above has been so encouraging lately. God is right by my side; he is mighty to save and will keep helping me through anything that I face. ❤️ 
By Kerissa Lee October 19, 2025
Dear friends, At the beginning of October, I started taking a new medication for the autoimmune disease. I thought I was tolerating it just fine, but after several days passed, I began experiencing nausea, loss of appetite, weakness all over, and increased pain. 🙁 It’s like I’m experiencing another “mito crash.” I found out that this specific lupus medication affects mitochondria. That is, it causes an overproduction of reactive oxygen species (ROS). This, in turn, causes cell damage and oxidative stress. I sure wish the rheumatologists would have known about this before prescribing. But I have to remember that Mitochondrial DNA Depletion Syndrome is rare, and they’re not “mito experts.” Anyways, the last time I felt like this was back in May.. I’m so grateful to God that I haven’t needed to be hospitalized from this, but at the same time, I’m also sad that this happened at all, especially because I had such a nice stretch of stable health. I’d really appreciate your prayers, that this muscle weakness can resolve soon, and that this increased pain all over will get back to my baseline. Every time I have a “mito crash,” it feels like I’m fighting the flu which always sucks. The pain has been hard to bear. And whenever I’m in the thick of it, it’s difficult to remember that this too will eventually pass. 😢 Pray that I will endure and follow Jesus’ example like this passage from Hebrews 12:1-2– “Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross...” Thank you all so much for praying for me. ❤️
By Kerissa Lee October 4, 2025
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." James 1:2-3