In Rememberance

Kerissa • May 25, 2013

This may be a long post, but I just wanted to put my thoughts down on “paper.”

This has been a really hard year….month….week.  I haven’t cried this much in a while.  All weekend, I had to deal with a terribly long episode of severe nystagmus and an oscillating “world.”  It always feels like I’m going to go blind.  Sunday night, I experienced such nausea that my mom even had to put a bin next to my bed.

Tuesday, I saw my pain dr.  And, as fun as it always is to see him, this was kind of a hard appointment.  I asked him if he knows much about mitochondrial disease, and he told me that there are really bad cases where your muscles stop working at a young age and pretty soon you die (and mito doesn’t just affect muscles…it affects all the body systems since every organ needs energy)….or, there are those cases where you don’t know you have mito until you’re 70.  And we’re not sure yet which case I am…  Although, the younger you are, the more severe it is..  And I’m only 20.  This is what I love about my pain dr.  His honesty.  And his compassion.  I can’t remember his exact words, but I do recall him saying something like—all these conditions I’m dealing with don’t define me and we just need to figure out how to proceed with things and live a successful life.

I asked him for a new pain med to try since I still get severe headaches.  So he told me to consider this muscle relaxer that has been known to help neuropathic pain (and headaches) and maybe even calm all the myoclonic jerks I have every day.

The plan is to await the whole genome sequencing results.  If it comes back normal (as it very well may be), then I pursue a muscle biopsy and/or more genetic testing through a very experienced lab down in California.  The dr. there has been doing a whole bunch of research that mitochondrial disease and CRPS is possibly connected.  And he’s even found mutations linked between both.

Monday night, my 90 year old grandma suddenly had a heart attack (just like what my grandpa had about 26 1/2 years ago).  The doctors were able to stabilize her, but she was in a coma in the icu and on a ventilator.  They were going to leave her on life support for a couple days and reassess her in 24 hours.  After my pain appt., dad, mom, and I went to see her.  And I’m so thankful I did.  Because…at around 10:25 pm that night, my grandma went to be with Jesus.  We’re still in shock because it all happened so suddenly.

I don’t remember ever seeing this photo of Nyin Nyin (which means grandma in Chinese) holding me when I was born.
Holding me again at my 1-year-old birthday party.

The next day, I wanted to read the section in Revelation where it tells us of the coming new heaven and new earth.  I long for that day when God “will wipe away every tear from [our] eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)  How wonderful it will be!  No more genetic diseases with no cure, nor more heavy hearts, no more out-of-proportion pain, no more death!  That is why I don’t have to fear the future or of dying young (if that’s God’s plan for my life).  This earth is not my home any way.  I am going to my real home to dwell with Jesus Christ!

One last story—I follow a mother’s blog of a 5 year old girl with mitochondrial disease.  And one time, that little girl was not doing very well.  A friend asked the mom, “Is she dying?”  The mom replied confidently with no fear, “Aren’t we all dying?”

The reason for our suffering
Is to help us realize
That in sickness or in death
We are helpless without Christ…
And the ones who are marked by suffering
Are the ones who have found their joy
To be conquerors in all these things
Struck down but not destroyed!
-“This is Grace” by Matt Hammitt
By Kerissa Lee May 15, 2026
Hi, friends, Last week, I unfortunately caught norovirus from my parents who caught it most likely from a wedding. 😞 All the vomiting caused dehydration, and my heart rate was high (up to 150 bpm). Every 30 minutes, I kept getting a notification on my Apple Watch saying that my heart rate was too high. Thankful I didn’t have to get admitted and could infuse the rest of my IV bags here at home. My neck is showing signs of weakness like after the time I got sick in Hawaii. 🥺 Really praying the muscles are just trying to recover from the vomiting/dry-heaving.. On top of that, the skin at my port site has sadly been breaking down over time. My dr. ordered a PICC line for me to let the port site heal. But the IR (interventional radiology) team said I need to have my port surgically removed because the site is “too exposed.” Definitely wasn’t expecting that! 😥 The IR team wants me to get a central line instead of another port, but I tried explaining to them that I’ve had sepsis too many times from multiple central lines. Plus, my quality of life is so much better with a port because I can shower when the needle is de-accessed. That’s just one of the reasons.. If I had a central line, I’d have to cover it and put tape all over which is not fun. I have a virtual appointment with someone on the IR team this coming Tuesday. Could you please pray the radiologist will be understanding, compassionate, and willing for me to have another port placed? I know this is in God’s hands regardless of the outcome. 💚 Surgery to remove my port and place something new (whether it’s a port or central line) is this coming Wednesday.. We’ll know the time the day before.. I’ve been reading a memoir by a young mother named Amber Emily Smith who tragically lost her 3-year old son to drowning in their family’s pool. In her book, she shared the story of the poet Annie Johnson Flint who developed a severe arthritis that left her hands disfigured and also caused her unable to walk. It was in the midst of her suffering that she became a poet. I’m sure many of you have read this poem before, but it’s such an encouraging one, and I hope it fills your heart with hope. ❤️ “God hath not promised smooth roads and wise, Swift, easy travel, needing no guide; Never a mountain rocky and steep, Never a river turbid and deep. But God hath promised strength for the day, Rest for the labor, light for the way, Grace for the trials, help from above, Unfailing sympathy, undying love.”
By Kerissa Lee April 16, 2026
Hi, friends, I just wanted to write an update on what’s happened since my last post. Sadly, the 2 different tube changes haven’t helped, and there’s still so much leaking around the tube. 🙁 The abdominal pain was decreasing each day, but for some reason, it has ramped up again and has been steadily getting worse the last several days. The pain is sharp and throbbing—it also hurts to use my abdominal muscles. I saw my primary care dr. this past Friday, and he ordered an urgent CT scan. I had that done this past Monday, and the scan shows that the balloon on the tube is lodged in my abdominal wall (it’s called buried bumper syndrome). 😥 So painful, but I’m thankful for answers! I actually had this issue many years ago, and usually, changing the tube size helps. But we’ve already tried 2 different tube sizes in March which hasn’t helped. I don’t know if the tract got damaged or what.. My PCP messaged the surgery team twice now, but they’re not responding still. Ever since my general surgeon left OHSU 2ish years ago to practice in New Orleans, it hasn’t been a good transfer to a different team. 😢 In addition, the CT scan also revealed that I have ground glass opacities in my left lung, so I have to go through work-up for that as well to figure out the cause.. Aside from these latest issues, I’m praising God that my mitochondrial disease has been stable still!! So thankful for God’s grace and faithfulness. The day I got my CT results, I read this excerpt below from one of Joni Eareckson Tada’s daily devotionals, and it was like the Lord was speaking right to my heart. I hope it’s an encouragement to you. ❤️ “Present pain and afflictions tend to heighten future joy. When is peace the sweetest? Right after the conflict. When does a cold drink taste best? When you’ve become very thirsty. When do you appreciate rest the most? After hours of hard labor. When is joyful company most pleasant? After enduring long days of loneliness. The truth is, our recollection of past sufferings may one day enhance the bliss of heaven. Eternity with the Lord will be so much more heavenly to those of us whose faith has been tested, battered, and tried, time and again.” -Joni Eareckson Tada One more thing.. I’d really love prayers for my uncle (my dad’s older brother). He’s been very sick in the neuro ICU with serious issues. First pneumonia, then bacteria in his spine which later broke his back. He had a major spinal surgery but still can’t move his legs. 🥺 On top of that, his kidneys started failing, so he had to be placed on continuous dialysis. He also had to be put on a ventilator due to fluid in his lungs. Then, he still couldn’t breathe well, so he had to get a tracheostomy tube placed in his neck. 🥺 Despite all this, he and his family are so strong and trusting the Lord which is a huge testimony to all of us and to the ICU. Could you please pray for peace, strength, and healing over his body? I know he and his family would be so grateful for your prayers. 💙 P.S. I wish I could show you my foster nephew’s sweet face in this photo from Easter Sunday! He is now 9 months old—the most precious and adorable little boy!! Our lives are so much sweeter with him in it. 🥹
By Kerissa Lee March 31, 2026
Dear Dr. Phillips, There aren’t enough words to express how thankful I am to have had such an amazing GI doctor like you these past 13 years. I think of all the hard challenges that have happened starting at age 20 and beyond: experiencing GI dysmotility, not being able to eat “normal” foods without terrible abdominal pain/distention, only tolerating soft consistencies like baby food pouches (which was not fun as a 22 year old!), needing an NJ tube placed down my nose, having a jejunostomy tube surgically placed, then no longer tolerating tube feeds, dropping down to 77 pounds, getting admitted the day after Christmas to start TPN, being surprised by the extremely high copper levels on my liver biopsy and starting treatment for that, going through septic shock which caused ischemic hepatitis (remember when my liver function test was 1674!), having sepsis 5 other times from multiple central lines and ports, requiring urgent surgery to remove my gallbladder, needing D10 added to my IV fluids for numerous mitochondrial crashes, and much more. Through all the highs and lows, you were there for me, and I truly feel like I hit the “doctor jackpot” to have had a GI specialist as caring, compassionate, knowledgeable, and kind as you. I shed quite a few tears to my chagrin at my last in-person appointment with you in February 2026, and I still do as I reminisce and write this letter. But, they aren’t just tears of sadness. They are also tears of gratitude—I know this journey would have been much more difficult if I didn’t have your wonderful care and support all these years. I’m so happy that I was able to get off of TPN back then after 5 years of being on it. Not only that, but I’m so thankful that I can eat orally to my heart’s content without pain and abdominal distention. I know that’s in part due to you, so thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so very much for caring for me. I will never forget you, and I wish you all the best as you start your retirement. :’) With immense gratitude, Kerissa