Reflections on the year 2023

Kerissa Lee • January 1, 2024

"Let us know; let us press on to know the LORD; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth."

Hosea 6:3

Dear friends,

If you’ve been a long time reader of Pain With Purpose, you probably know my tradition of writing a post reflecting on the previous year. 😊 Get ready….this will definitely be my longest post in a while!

Compared to 2022 (which had no surgeries, hospitalizations, ER visits, or infections!), 2023 was a doozy. Looking back, I believe the Lord in His providence was giving me a nice long, stable break in 2022 to help prepare me for this past year. ❤️

God answered our prayers in that I was physically able to have a part in my brother Curtis and Courtney’s wedding in February. I had so much fun using my hand lettering skills to create all the wedding signage for them. Living with chronic health issues for the past 13+ years, I sometimes can feel stuck where it feels like you’ll always be known as the “sick person.” So it was such a blessing to join in the wedding festivities like a healthy, “normal” human being and just have fun as a bridesmaid! Truly a gift from God! We all have special memories we’ll never forget from that beautiful day. 😍

But, things started going downhill the following week. *Note: any sentence/paragraph you read in asterisks means the issue is ongoing.*

-Just 3 days after their wedding, I battled sepsis for the 5th time because my central line had a tiny hole in it (from old age) where bacteria got in. I underwent bedside surgery to get that infected line removed and have PICC line #1 placed. In addition to the many fevers, chills, vomiting/retching, severe nystagmus, and intense body pain, my multiple IVs in both arms kept blowing/infiltrating from all the heavy duty IV antibiotics and medications—it felt like my veins were being shredded. 😔

-I caught a bad GI infection (C-DIFF 😩) on top of being septic due to all the hospital germs. 😷

-Had surgery in April for a port-a-cath placement below my collarbone. My PICC line was removed, and I also had my j-tube replaced to a new one.

-One week later, I had a severe allergic reaction to the surgical glue over my port incision. Had to go to the ED to get PICC line #2 placed.

-About 5 weeks later, my port incision was healed well enough to get my port re-accessed and my PICC line removed once again.

-Soon after that, my somewhat new j-tube got stuck in the wall of my abdomen. Had to get it removed and have another one placed again. My general surgeon experienced great difficulty removing it, though, so she basically had to yank it out which was so traumatic—I bled a lot and burst into tears. 😭

-Due to that traumatic procedure, my abdomen started developing a huge abscess. My mom had to take me to the ED at 3 AM in August because of horrendous abdominal pain. I had to undergo bedside surgery to have the abscess opened up and get a drain placed.

-My port site also started developing another allergic reaction around the same time, so I had to get PICC line #3 placed.

-The abscess got even worse which required multiple visits to my surgeon’s office. The resident had to flush more of the pus out and pack gauze into the incisions since the drain wasn’t helping.

-I was prescribed high dose antibiotics, but they ended up causing neuro-toxicity symptoms. One symptom I experienced was hyperkinesia—I had to constantly keep moving, and it was terrible during the night!

-The area next to my j-tube never healed properly after the abscess was gone, so my doctors referred me to the wound care center. *I continue to see them every 2 weeks because the skin does not have healthy tissue and is also so raw and painful. It hurts terribly when I eat acidic or spicy foods because bile leaks around my tube and burns the area even more. I have to get a 3rd j-tube replacement soon..* 😣

-In September, my legs started aching constantly.. I’ve had small fiber neuropathy for many years now, and that pain feels like your feet are burning and on fire. When this deep, bone-like aching pain in my legs began, it was very hard to experience on top of the nerve pain. 🥺 *The deep aching leg pain together with the neuropathy still continues to this day. Sometimes my arms ache as well, and I just feel miserable with so much going on.*

-Every major infection and allergic reaction I dealt with throughout the year caused my mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS) to go haywire. Mast cells are immune cells that protect our bodies from pathogens and allergens. I sadly had constant reactions to the adhesive dressings over my PICC line, and my infusion nurses exhausted all hypoallergenic options. *I now have to have twice a week PICC dressing changes because my PICC site gets all inflamed/burned from reacting to everything (even cotton gauze under the dressing). The rash/itching is terribly aggravating day and night because I can’t scratch underneath the PICC dressing. The goal is to use my port once again and stop using the PICC (especially because PICCs aren’t a long term option, and time is ticking), but it can’t happen until my MCAS is more under control.* 😞

-In December, I sought a second opinion with another mast cell specialist a few weeks ago, and she agreed that my severe leg pain and other current symptoms are due to inflammation from the MCAS flare-up. *She started me on a treatment, but I will share an update on that another time.*

As you can see, there were some very dark days in 2023. 😢 When something new always happened on top of everything else, it got so overwhelming. I cried out to God many times, saying, “I can’t do this without Your strength. I need you, Lord!” And you know what? God heard each and every prayer. This verse came to mind from 2 Timothy 4:17: “But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the lion’s mouth.” Every dark day…every time there was bad news…every moment when the pain was so heavy to bear, God armed me with the grace and strength to “share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus” (2 Timothy 2:3). And with His help, I made it through a rough year.

I don’t know what will happen in 2024. Maybe there will be even more dark days. But, no matter what happens ahead, Isaiah 50:10 reminds me, “Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God.” So, as I pick up my cross daily this new year, I pray that I will keep trusting in the Lord and continue running with endurance the race that is set before me (Hebrews 12:1).

To close, I want to give thanks and praise to God for how He always stood by me and strengthened me through the highs and lows of 2023. He never abandoned me. He is a faithful and compassionate God! I also want to thank all of YOU who have stood by my side and lifted me up with your steadfast prayers. ❤️ I am so humbled each time you say a prayer on my behalf or like/comment on my posts with such caring words. Your love and kindness blesses me time and time again! 🥰

Happy New Year!

Love, Kerissa

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June update (with happy news!)

By Kerissa Lee • June 17, 2026

Hello, friends, I just wanted to share a blog update and thank you all so much for your prayers these last several weeks. ❤️ They help me to persevere! I previously posted that the interventional radiology team said my old port needs to be removed because of the site being too exposed from skin breakdown. Well, on May 19th, I had a virtual appointment with the IR nurse practitioner. To my great disappointment, she didn’t want me to get a new port and said I need a central line instead. I tried explaining to her that all my previous central lines always got infected and caused sepsis, but she still wouldn’t budge. 😞 I left that appointment and cried. I kept reciting Romans 8:28 (“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose”). I knew that God was in control, but I was still so sad.. The next day was my port removal surgery and central line placement. Many of you already know this from FB/IG, but I wanted to re-share the following here on my blog as well! When I met the attending physician who was going to do the surgery, I told him my whole story and asked if he could please consider placing a new port instead of a central line. And do you want to hear something soo amazing?! He nonchalantly said, “I can place a port!” I was so shocked! 🥹 I immediately felt God’s mercy and kindness in sovereignly arranging this specific doctor to be the one to care for me. Both surgeries were back to back, and everything was much more difficult than he was expecting! In his chart notes, he stated that it took “more than twice the usual time, an unusually large amount of materials, and required a very high level of technical expertise and skill.” It was a great challenge removing my old port because of scar tissue and because it was so embedded to my chest wall. 😥 He had to yank, pull, and manipulate a ton—all of that caused a huge bruise to form over my chest. When he used fluoroscopy (moving x-ray), he also saw on x-ray that there’s a 7 mm cylindrical foreign body in my chest (pictured below). He assumes it’s a retained port fragment from an old port surgery that happened years ago. We’re just going to leave it there.. 😟 I was awake the whole time because none of the sedation meds worked! I’ve unfortunately had more than 20+ surgeries/procedures, so my body has become immune to certain sedation meds. The team recommends that I have much stronger anesthesia next time.. So thankful that the Lord helped me through this painful process! In other news, I finally get to have this temporary, bulky j-tube replaced with a low-profile one on the 23rd! My GI surgeon was hoping that the temporary tube would give the site a break and help heal all the inflammation (which was caused by buried bumper syndrome when the balloon got stuck in the abdominal wall 2 months ago). And I think that did the trick because the site is no longer leaking a ton! 🥲 Praying that switching back to the low-profile tube doesn’t cause an uptick in pain/leaking.. Last week, I had a bit of a scare when blood started coming out of the j-tube stoma (hole) for several days. We don’t exactly know what caused the bleeding, but thankfully, it stopped! If it does happen again, the GI nurse practitioner ordered an abdominal ultrasound.. If you made it this far, I’d so appreciate continued prayers for my sleep. Still experiencing bad insomnia as a side effect from an important medication that I need. It’s so hard when I can’t fall asleep until after 5:30-6:30 AM every single day. 😔 I don’t know what else to do except take each day as it comes and lean on the Lord for endurance. 💚 Aside from this, still so grateful to God that I’m doing really well mitochondrial-wise! For those who may not remember, my naturopathic doctor at the OHSU pain center started me on 2 very strong antioxidants last year: liposomal glutathione and n-acetyl cysteine. When I started taking both regularly for several months, the neck weakness resolved and the overall muscle fatigue improved a lot. By God’s grace, I’ve physically been very stable which is a huge answer to prayer!! 🥹 P.S. It’s taken me a while to share this, but a few months ago, I added 11 new card designs to my shop. Here are some of my faves. ☺️ I’ve sadly run into another unfortunate predicament with the e-commerce site I sell on, but I’ll try to share that story another time.. 😕

Surgery on Wednesday

By Kerissa Lee • May 15, 2026

Hi, friends, Last week, I unfortunately caught norovirus from my parents who caught it most likely from a wedding. 😞 All the vomiting caused dehydration, and my heart rate was high (up to 150 bpm). Every 30 minutes, I kept getting a notification on my Apple Watch saying that my heart rate was too high. Thankful I didn’t have to get admitted and could infuse the rest of my IV bags here at home. My neck is showing signs of weakness like after the time I got sick in Hawaii. 🥺 Really praying the muscles are just trying to recover from the vomiting/dry-heaving.. On top of that, the skin at my port site has sadly been breaking down over time. My dr. ordered a PICC line for me to let the port site heal. But the IR (interventional radiology) team said I need to have my port surgically removed because the site is “too exposed.” Definitely wasn’t expecting that! 😥 The IR team wants me to get a central line instead of another port, but I tried explaining to them that I’ve had sepsis too many times from multiple central lines. Plus, my quality of life is so much better with a port because I can shower when the needle is de-accessed. That’s just one of the reasons.. If I had a central line, I’d have to cover it and put tape all over which is not fun. I have a virtual appointment with someone on the IR team this coming Tuesday. Could you please pray the radiologist will be understanding, compassionate, and willing for me to have another port placed? I know this is in God’s hands regardless of the outcome. 💚 Surgery to remove my port and place something new (whether it’s a port or central line) is this coming Wednesday.. We’ll know the time the day before.. I’ve been reading a memoir by a young mother named Amber Emily Smith who tragically lost her 3-year old son to drowning in their family’s pool. In her book, she shared the story of the poet Annie Johnson Flint who developed a severe arthritis that left her hands disfigured and also caused her unable to walk. It was in the midst of her suffering that she became a poet. I’m sure many of you have read this poem before, but it’s such an encouraging one, and I hope it fills your heart with hope. ❤️ “God hath not promised smooth roads and wise, Swift, easy travel, needing no guide; Never a mountain rocky and steep, Never a river turbid and deep. But God hath promised strength for the day, Rest for the labor, light for the way, Grace for the trials, help from above, Unfailing sympathy, undying love.”

J-tube update and a prayer request for my uncle ❤️

By Kerissa Lee • April 16, 2026

Hi, friends, I just wanted to write an update on what’s happened since my last post. Sadly, the 2 different tube changes haven’t helped, and there’s still so much leaking around the tube. 🙁 The abdominal pain was decreasing each day, but for some reason, it has ramped up again and has been steadily getting worse the last several days. The pain is sharp and throbbing—it also hurts to use my abdominal muscles. I saw my primary care dr. this past Friday, and he ordered an urgent CT scan. I had that done this past Monday, and the scan shows that the balloon on the tube is lodged in my abdominal wall (it’s called buried bumper syndrome). 😥 So painful, but I’m thankful for answers! I actually had this issue many years ago, and usually, changing the tube size helps. But we’ve already tried 2 different tube sizes in March which hasn’t helped. I don’t know if the tract got damaged or what.. My PCP messaged the surgery team twice now, but they’re not responding still. Ever since my general surgeon left OHSU 2ish years ago to practice in New Orleans, it hasn’t been a good transfer to a different team. 😢 In addition, the CT scan also revealed that I have ground glass opacities in my left lung, so I have to go through work-up for that as well to figure out the cause.. Aside from these latest issues, I’m praising God that my mitochondrial disease has been stable still!! So thankful for God’s grace and faithfulness. The day I got my CT results, I read this excerpt below from one of Joni Eareckson Tada’s daily devotionals, and it was like the Lord was speaking right to my heart. I hope it’s an encouragement to you. ❤️ “Present pain and afflictions tend to heighten future joy. When is peace the sweetest? Right after the conflict. When does a cold drink taste best? When you’ve become very thirsty. When do you appreciate rest the most? After hours of hard labor. When is joyful company most pleasant? After enduring long days of loneliness. The truth is, our recollection of past sufferings may one day enhance the bliss of heaven. Eternity with the Lord will be so much more heavenly to those of us whose faith has been tested, battered, and tried, time and again.” -Joni Eareckson Tada One more thing.. I’d really love prayers for my uncle (my dad’s older brother). He’s been very sick in the neuro ICU with serious issues. First pneumonia, then bacteria in his spine which later broke his back. He had a major spinal surgery but still can’t move his legs. 🥺 On top of that, his kidneys started failing, so he had to be placed on continuous dialysis. He also had to be put on a ventilator due to fluid in his lungs. Then, he still couldn’t breathe well, so he had to get a tracheostomy tube placed in his neck. 🥺 Despite all this, he and his family are so strong and trusting the Lord which is a huge testimony to all of us and to the ICU. Could you please pray for peace, strength, and healing over his body? I know he and his family would be so grateful for your prayers. 💙 P.S. I wish I could show you my foster nephew’s sweet face in this photo from Easter Sunday! He is now 9 months old—the most precious and adorable little boy!! Our lives are so much sweeter with him in it. 🥹