Reflections on this past year 2012
Kerissa • December 31, 2012
It’s hard to believe that my first blog post was written one year ago today! As I reflect on this past year, I thank God for the endurance He provided me and my family to make it through 2012. Now that this blog has been up and running a full year now, it’s easy for me to not fully ponder its title sometimes. But as this year comes to a close, I’d like to once again think about these three words: Pain with Purpose .
These past months have been filled with things I never would have imagined:
I even completed a medical assisting program at the beginning of the year,
and I just don’t know if anything will ever come of that…
The list can go on and on…
“Our natural inclination is to be so precise—trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next—that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We think that we must reach some predetermined goal, but that is not the nature of the spiritual life. The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty. Consequently, we do not put down roots. Our common sense says, “Well, what if I were in that circumstance?” We cannot presume to see ourselves in any circumstance in which we have never been.
Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life—gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises. When we become simply a promoter or a defender of a particular belief, something within us dies. That is not believing God—it is only believing our belief about Him. Jesus said, “. . . unless you . . . become as little children . . .” ( Matthew 18:3). The spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next. If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, become overly critical, and are limited by the view that our beliefs are complete and settled. But when we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. Jesus said, “. . . believe also in Me” ( John 14:1), not, “Believe certain things about Me”. Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in—but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him.” (Gracious Uncertainty by Oswald Chambers)
But thanks be to God, my pain
is not with
out a purpose
!!
All this is not in vain. As these lyrics say, “Jesus, You have ordained all things
to dwell in Your purpose
.” (Holding My World by Kristian Stanfill) Yes, I don’t understand a million things, but all I need to do is trust my Savior. He is soo much wiser than I am. And how sweet it is to share in Christ’s sufferings!
All this is not in vain. As these lyrics say, “Jesus, You have ordained all things
to dwell in Your purpose
.” (Holding My World by Kristian Stanfill) Yes, I don’t understand a million things, but all I need to do is trust my Savior. He is soo much wiser than I am. And how sweet it is to share in Christ’s sufferings!This coming year is full of uncertainty, but I rest in God’s sovereignty. A couple years ago, my sis shared this devotional by Oswald Chambers. It’s so fitting as the new year 2013 comes upon us. I wanted to share it with you:
“. . . it has not yet been revealed what we shall be . . .” — 1 John 3:2
Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life—gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises. When we become simply a promoter or a defender of a particular belief, something within us dies. That is not believing God—it is only believing our belief about Him. Jesus said, “. . . unless you . . . become as little children . . .” ( Matthew 18:3). The spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next. If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, become overly critical, and are limited by the view that our beliefs are complete and settled. But when we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. Jesus said, “. . . believe also in Me” ( John 14:1), not, “Believe certain things about Me”. Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in—but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him.” (Gracious Uncertainty by Oswald Chambers)
May we all remain faithful to God this new year!
Dear friends, I just wanted to thank you all so much for praying for me during my abdominal surgery on August 6th! 💚 All of your messages/emails really encouraged my heart! If you missed my previous post, I had to have an unexpected surgery to take down the jejunostomy tract and repair an enterocutaneous fistula (a rare complication from having a j-tube for 12 years). I truly felt your prayers, and the Lord answered so many of them as well! 🥹 My surgeon only had to remove about 1 1/2 inches of my small intestine which is great news! I was in the hospital for 4 days because my blood pressure was low and pain control was rough (it’s a long story, but pain management is complex due to a specific medication I take daily at home..). But aside from that and having an allergic reaction to the surgical glue, I’ve been healing well. Thank you again for praying!! God has been so faithful throughout this journey. I got a visit from my sweet foster nephew when I was in the hospital (2nd picture)! 🥰 I can’t wait until I can show you his face—he’s so adorable. 🩵 I’ve mentioned this before, but an important medication I take causes severe insomnia (still not falling asleep until anywhere between 3 AM-9 AM). 😞 But I saw my naturopath this past Monday, and she’s going to treat me for suspected cortisol spiking up during the night (which disrupts the body’s circadian rhythm). I’m thankful for the wisdom God gives her, and I’m excited to see if this treatment will help! It will take 6 weeks to see if there’s any benefit, but I first have to specially order it..
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." -Psalm 46:1
Hi, friends, I thought I wouldn’t be posting for a while since I’ve been doing really well, but I’ve hit a bump in the road again and would appreciate your prayers. 💚 This past Tuesday the 21st, after nearly 12 years living with it, I had my jejunostomy tube removed completely. I thought it was going to be a simple process and that the stoma (hole) would close quickly within 30 minutes like they said. That didn’t happen, though, as the stoma started draining a ton! I couldn’t even leave the lobby and had to go back up to the clinic on the 8th floor to have an ostomy bag placed to collect all the small intestinal digestive juices that continually drained. Unfortunately, I’m experiencing a very rare complication called an enterocutaneous fistula. 🥺 I’m disappointed this is happening, but I’m not exactly surprised since my whole medical case with Mitochondrial DNA Depletion Syndrome has been rare from the very beginning.. I also don’t heal well due to connective tissue problems from Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (case in point: my port site issues back in May when I had to have a new one surgically placed on the other side of my chest).. 😞 The clinic told me to keep emptying the ostomy bag and monitor the output. It wasn’t a fun 2 days. This whole process has definitely made me so grateful to God that I’ve never needed something like an ileostomy! TMI, but I lost almost a whole pound of fluid because so much was gushing/spurting out of the stoma every time I ate or drank. Losing so many electrolytes, I started experiencing symptoms of dehydration—weakness, high heart rate, and headaches. So yesterday, I had to go back and see the surgery resident who basically placed another j-tube (it was so painful again!). 😭 This is a temporary “plug,” and I’m bummed to say that I have to go to the operating room to have the jejunostomy tract taken down and the fistula repaired. This surgery will be happening as early as next week (it depends on my surgeon’s schedule).. She said it will be complex, especially because adhesions (scar tissue) form when a person has multiple abdominal surgeries.. I lost count what number this surgery/procedure will be, but I do know I’ve had more than 20! 😞 I know God is with me wherever I go and will supply me with the strength to endure yet another surgery like he always does. But, I’m still sad that I have to have more incisions added to my body. I shared the lyrics to this song before on an old blog post (the song is called It Is Well With My Soul by Matt Redman), but it immediately came to mind again when I was thinking of scars. As the song below said, it’s a reminder to me that my scars can be a testimony to others of God’s grace in my life and how he has brought me through every single pain and sorrow. In the Bible, I’ve always thought it’s so neat that Jesus still had his scars after he rose from the dead—he had a new body, and yet, his scars were still visible. ❤️ Our scars are a sign of grace in our lives Oh Father, how You brought us through When deep were the wounds And dark was the night The promise of Your love, You proved Now every battle still to come Let this be our song It is well (it is well) With my soul (with my soul) It is well, it is well with my soul
