Reflections on this past year 2012
Kerissa • December 31, 2012
It’s hard to believe that my first blog post was written one year ago today! As I reflect on this past year, I thank God for the endurance He provided me and my family to make it through 2012. Now that this blog has been up and running a full year now, it’s easy for me to not fully ponder its title sometimes. But as this year comes to a close, I’d like to once again think about these three words: Pain with Purpose .
These past months have been filled with things I never would have imagined:
I even completed a medical assisting program at the beginning of the year,
and I just don’t know if anything will ever come of that…
The list can go on and on…
“Our natural inclination is to be so precise—trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next—that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We think that we must reach some predetermined goal, but that is not the nature of the spiritual life. The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty. Consequently, we do not put down roots. Our common sense says, “Well, what if I were in that circumstance?” We cannot presume to see ourselves in any circumstance in which we have never been.
Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life—gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises. When we become simply a promoter or a defender of a particular belief, something within us dies. That is not believing God—it is only believing our belief about Him. Jesus said, “. . . unless you . . . become as little children . . .” ( Matthew 18:3). The spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next. If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, become overly critical, and are limited by the view that our beliefs are complete and settled. But when we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. Jesus said, “. . . believe also in Me” ( John 14:1), not, “Believe certain things about Me”. Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in—but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him.” (Gracious Uncertainty by Oswald Chambers)
But thanks be to God, my pain
is not with
out a purpose
!!
All this is not in vain. As these lyrics say, “Jesus, You have ordained all things
to dwell in Your purpose
.” (Holding My World by Kristian Stanfill) Yes, I don’t understand a million things, but all I need to do is trust my Savior. He is soo much wiser than I am. And how sweet it is to share in Christ’s sufferings!
All this is not in vain. As these lyrics say, “Jesus, You have ordained all things
to dwell in Your purpose
.” (Holding My World by Kristian Stanfill) Yes, I don’t understand a million things, but all I need to do is trust my Savior. He is soo much wiser than I am. And how sweet it is to share in Christ’s sufferings!This coming year is full of uncertainty, but I rest in God’s sovereignty. A couple years ago, my sis shared this devotional by Oswald Chambers. It’s so fitting as the new year 2013 comes upon us. I wanted to share it with you:
“. . . it has not yet been revealed what we shall be . . .” — 1 John 3:2
Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life—gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises. When we become simply a promoter or a defender of a particular belief, something within us dies. That is not believing God—it is only believing our belief about Him. Jesus said, “. . . unless you . . . become as little children . . .” ( Matthew 18:3). The spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next. If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, become overly critical, and are limited by the view that our beliefs are complete and settled. But when we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. Jesus said, “. . . believe also in Me” ( John 14:1), not, “Believe certain things about Me”. Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in—but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him.” (Gracious Uncertainty by Oswald Chambers)
May we all remain faithful to God this new year!
Dear friends, I just cannot believe it’s been more than 2 months since my last blog post! So much has happened, but most of it is very happy news!! ☺️ I saw my GI surgeon in September for my post-op appointment (check out my previous post if you missed what surgery I had in August). I’m all healed thankfully, although there is now a noticeable crater on my abdomen where my j-tube used to be. :( Scar tissue inside is what’s causing that, and she told me I need to be careful when carrying very heavy things because I could get a hernia in that spot. 😣 If that happened, she said she can easily repair it! I definitely don’t want another surgery, though! Aside from the short 4-day hospital stay I had in August for that abdominal surgery, I’m soo happy to share that the middle of November 2026 marks 2 WHOLE YEARS since I was last admitted to the hospital for a “mito crash!” I could cry from tears of happiness, and all praise and glory truly goes to God!! 🥹 My previous stretch of stable health lasted about 17 months (from September 2021 to February 2023), so I surpassed that which is simply amazing! Because my health has been doing so well, even more incredible news is that I got a part time job!! I found work through care.com since I LOVE babies and kids. I started occasionally taking care of a 6 month old baby girl—she’s so adorable!! I also sometimes take care of a 5 year old girl with her 3 year old brother. For both of those jobs, I’m just the backup (for example, when extended family can’t provide care). But, last week, another mom reached out on care.com asking if I could be her 2 daughters’ afternoon nanny every Monday—the oldest girl is 6 years old, and her little sister is almost 3 years old. It’s been so wonderful and fulfilling to be able to work. I never want to take for granted how much of a gift it is to have a job! 🥲 I do still have to rest my body on the days I don’t work because my muscle spasticity gets soo intense and painful. 😞 It feels like my back muscles just continually clench up and spasm. Very thankful for the muscle relaxant Baclofen which helps the extreme tightness! The chronic pain also worsens in my legs/back, and my hand tremors do, too (called minipolymyoclonus). Regardless of these symptoms, it makes me so happy and thankful to God for the ability to work! 💚 You might have noticed that I haven’t mentioned anything lately about my Pain With Purpose store. There are a bunch of reasons, but one of the biggest is that shipping has become more and more expensive which is a bummer. 😞 For the past year, whenever a customer places an order, I’ve been paying part of the shipping cost out of my own pocket because I wanted to keep the shipping fee low. I’ve also wanted to keep card prices low because I totally understand how expensive everything is in this economy. But in today’s digital world, a really nice card (at Papyrus, for example) could cost more than $9!! So charging only $2.75 for one of my cards on top of keeping the shipping fee low has been a challenge. After thinking about it a lot, I’ve made the decision to close my store—at least, for now! Next year, it’d be super cool to sell my items (cards, stickers, bookmarks, prints, and magnets) at something like a pop-up! 😊 So I will definitely be sure to keep you posted with any new shop updates! If you did place an order this past year, I wanted to say a big Thank You!! It meant so much to me, and I hope my cards were an encouragement. 🥰 I don't know what God has planned for my future regarding my health and everything else, but I just want to have faith and keep leaning on him for strength, through any future highs or lows. The Lord truly is faithful! Thank you so much for praying for me these past 16+ years. ❤️
Dear friends, I just wanted to thank you all so much for praying for me during my abdominal surgery on August 6th! 💚 All of your messages/emails really encouraged my heart! If you missed my previous post, I had to have an unexpected surgery to take down the jejunostomy tract and repair an enterocutaneous fistula (a rare complication from having a j-tube for 12 years). I truly felt your prayers, and the Lord answered so many of them as well! 🥹 My surgeon only had to remove about 1 1/2 inches of my small intestine which is great news! I was in the hospital for 4 days because my blood pressure was low and pain control was rough (it’s a long story, but pain management is complex due to a specific medication I take daily at home..). But aside from that and having an allergic reaction to the surgical glue, I’ve been healing well. Thank you again for praying!! God has been so faithful throughout this journey. I got a visit from my sweet foster nephew when I was in the hospital (2nd picture)! 🥰 I can’t wait until I can show you his face—he’s so adorable. 🩵 I’ve mentioned this before, but an important medication I take causes severe insomnia (still not falling asleep until anywhere between 3 AM-9 AM). 😞 But I saw my naturopath this past Monday, and she’s going to treat me for suspected cortisol spiking up during the night (which disrupts the body’s circadian rhythm). I’m thankful for the wisdom God gives her, and I’m excited to see if this treatment will help! It will take 6 weeks to see if there’s any benefit, but I first have to specially order it..
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." -Psalm 46:1
