Part 3 ❤️
Read Part 1 and Part 2 if you missed it.
| Part 3 |
After numerous days inpatient, I was ready to begin physical therapy at home and work my way off the TPN (IV nutrition). On February 19th, I ended up getting enrolled into a fairly new 1-year old program called “Hospital at Home.” It’s a weird concept, but those who do HAH are still considered inpatient—the only setting that’s different is you can sleep in your own bed and the nurses come to your home. You also are connected to doctors virtually through a tablet. In theory, that probably sounds amazing, but for complex patients like me, I regretted doing HAH because it was complicated and stressful.
For example, the leg pain was still so severe, and each time I took pain medicine every 2 hours, I had to log onto the tablet and talk to the nurse who charted everything…. Even during the middle of the night, I had to show the nurse which meds I was taking and what dosage. It unfortunately wasn’t restful, and there were a bunch of other challenges while I was with HAH. By the next morning, I was definitely ready to be discharged from the “hospital” since a lot could be done outpatient. Around 11:45 AM on February 20th, a nurse practitioner came to my house to make sure I was medically stable and ready for discharge. She agreed I was because my vitals were perfect.
She left, and another nurse was scheduled to arrive sometime in the afternoon to stop my TPN for the day. But, in the blink of an eye, things changed yet again and the nystagmus suddenly came back with a vengeance. I could barely see out of my eyes (because they shook so much), and when I went to lay down, I asked my mom if the heat was on. She said yes, but I felt soo cold. When the last nurse arrived to stop the infusion, she took my vitals which showed that I spiked a high fever out of the blue. I was so devastated by this turn of events and cried, “I can’t do this again.” 😭 I felt weary, down to my very bones. Experiencing all my usual sepsis symptoms (fever, chills, high heart rate and respirations, severe low back pain, etc.), I hit rock bottom and was extremely distressed that I had to go back to the hospital. 😔
While the doctors scrambled to find a bed available for me, I physically got even worse. During that scary and emotional time, the nurse was so compassionate and caring. I know God in his loving kindness handpicked her especially for me that day. She stayed right by my bedside and encouraged me with words filled with hope. 🥹 She saw a devotional by Joni Eareckson Tada on my nightstand and asked if I was a believer. I nodded, and she immediately began praying for me. 😭❤️
In the midst of this whole trial, some days God felt far away. 🥺 I could really resonate with the psalmist’s cries—“Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?” (Psalm 22:1) But when my nurse prayed for me, it was in that very moment I felt God’s presence and peace so near. It was like he knew I needed some tangible comfort to hold on to. I felt so seen and loved by him. I’ll never forget the sweet nurse he sent and the prayers she lifted up. ❤️ Through her, the Lord revived my soul to prepare me for this latest battle.
Up next: Part 4…
