Part 4 ❤️
Read Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3 if you missed it.
| Part 4 |
That evening on February 20th, I was transported by ambulance back to the 14C medicine floor. It was such a scary time. 😢 The sepsis caused my body to go into metabolic acidosis. So they quickly treated that with IV bicarbonate and started me on broad-spectrum IV antibiotics while we waited for my blood cultures to come back. I became leukopenic and anemic because my bone marrow got affected. 🥺 This infection wreaked havoc on my kidneys so I continually had to be repleted with large amounts of IV electrolytes (especially potassium) each day. My blood cultures from my port ended up growing Staph Epidermidis. Knowing the cause of my symptoms was an answer to prayer, and the infectious disease doctors immediately started me on an IV antibiotic sensitive to that specific strain of bacteria.
I was admitted for 5 weeks + 1 day (the total from not only this stay for sepsis but also when I was admitted for the mitochondrial crash). Being in the hospital for 2 difficult diagnoses that happened back to back was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. I thank God for how he graciously gave some happy times in the midst of it. I loved seeing the therapy dog and was over the moon when the medicine floor kindly let my family bring my brother’s dog to visit me. 😊 I also had some amazing nurses. There was a special night nurse assigned to me, and I’ll never forget him. Even when he was no longer part of my care team, he came to visit me each night he worked—isn’t that so sweet? 🥲
But for the most part, inpatient life was scary and traumatic. And as I pondered these last few months, trying to make sense of it all, I was reminded of several things:
God never abandoned me in my darkest hour. ❤️ Being inpatient for weeks was brutal and like a prison (not once did I leave my hospital room because I had no energy). All those days, doctors, residents, medical students, phlebotomists, pharmacists, IV therapists, dietitians, respiratory therapists, CNAs, and nurses would continually come to my room. Not to mention every time medications were given or IV bags had to be started/stopped or when the multiple pumps alarmed. The exhaustion along with the pain was unreal. I felt so weak and helpless, not just physically. This challenging time reminded me that I cannot do life without Christ. Jesus said, “Apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). And that is so true. During this whole trial, the Lord was the sustainer of my days. He gave me his strength, minute by minute.
Even though God always supplied me with grace to carry on, I want you to know that I still struggled with great fear while in the thick of it. When the pain and suffering overwhelmed me, it was difficult at times for my eyes to see him working behind the scenes. Numerous questions weighed heavily on my shoulders, and I felt so alone each day. But as I processed everything, this trial reminded me that no one knows and understands my suffering more than Jesus. ❤️ Matthew 8:17 says, “He took our illnesses and bore our diseases.” Isn’t it so comforting that Jesus knows what we’re going through? Even he had questions when he cried on the cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46) So when I experience doubts and questions in the future (whether in the hospital or at home), I pray that I will always take them to the Lord and not hold everything in. I’m definitely still a work in progress, though..
I wanted to close this mini series of posts by sharing a verse from Psalm 31:7 (ESV). What a coincidence that I’m 31 years and 7 months old! 😆
“I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love, because you have seen my affliction; you have known the distress of my soul.”
This verse sums up these last few months. God always sees my pain, and I’m never alone (even though it may sometimes seem like it). He has “known my soul in adversities,” as the New King James translation says of vs. 7. I praise God for his faithfulness and mercy on my life. I also want to give thanks to him that I’m back off the TPN (IV nutrition) and able to eat orally again like before! My muscle weakness has improved as well. 🥲 There are some other concerning issues going on, but I will share a more in-depth update later..
Thank you for reading Parts 1-4 and continuing to pray for me. This has been quite the journey, and I’m so grateful to have such faithful prayer warriors!! 🫶🏻
